| I was talking to my dear Mother the other day and she | | | | Me: "Hi, how are you today?" |
| was telling me how grand the famed psychic, | | | | The Dead: "I'm dead." |
| communicator with the dead and most viewed Montel | | | | Me: "I can't find a life insurance policy, did you leave me |
| Williams guest, Sylvia Brown is. | | | | one?" |
| Dear Mother was having such a good time that I | | | | The Dead: "How the hell should I know, I'm dead." |
| couldn't spoil it for her, but c'mon ... do the dead really | | | | Me: "Alrighty then, so what's it like over there on the |
| talk? | | | | other side?" |
| If the dead talk then why did they pick out such an | | | | The Dead: "Uh, didn't you hear me? I'm dead!" |
| ugly woman with a big nose to talk to? How come the | | | | This month (January '07) my Dad has been dead for |
| dead don't talk to supermodels or important people like | | | | ten years and I can assure anyone that if there was |
| the Pope or the President? | | | | ever anybody who could die and send a message, he |
| It's not that I would believe them anymore than I | | | | would. |
| believe Sylvia Brown but that's who I would talk to if I | | | | Well, I haven't heard a thing from him for ten years! |
| was dead and could talk to somebody! | | | | And I know that he likes me better than Sylvia Brown |
| And if the dead can talk, how come they don't talk | | | | and if he knew that Sylvia would charge me an arm |
| about where they are? | | | | and a leg to talk to her about him, he wouldn't talk to |
| I can't possibly imagine that there's not one dead | | | | her anyway. |
| person that wouldn't complain about something. Isn't it | | | | I think all these so called 'psychics' are full of it and they |
| hot in hell? Are things maybe a bit too great in | | | | rip people out of their money so they can be rich. I'll |
| heaven? And what's up with purgatory? What about | | | | admit it, watching Sylvia is some great entertainment. I |
| a few other spots on the other side that we may not | | | | enjoy watching her, but she should wear a t-shirt that |
| know about? | | | | says 'for entertainment purposes only please' if she's |
| When the dead talk to Sylvia Brown they talk about | | | | gonna charge. |
| things here on earth and memories. Who cares about | | | | On the other hand if Sylvia calls me up tonight |
| where old car keys are or smelly gym sneakers from | | | | because she's gotten a message from the other side |
| yesteryear? I want to know about the next major | | | | to let her know I'm talking trash about her skills and she |
| catastrophe, the next child abduction or about a | | | | can prove it ... I'll take back all that I've said. |
| terrorist plan. | | | | I'll even spend the rest of my life spreading the word |
| Don't the dead care about national security or child | | | | that she is the real deal and to sweeten the deal, I'll |
| safety? | | | | wash her pantyhose too. |
| I can't imagine having a conversation with the dead but | | | | (Five minutes later!) My phone hasn't rang yet so I'm |
| I'm going to try real hard to imagine what my | | | | confident that I'm right. So the next time you see a |
| conversation with a dead person would be like and | | | | fortuneteller, save your money for something more |
| here it is: | | | | important like a Big Mac. |