| Ask any American what poses the greatest threat to | | | | influences. For example, girls who lack an intimate |
| our society and you are likely to get numerous | | | | relationship with dad often develop an inordinate need |
| responses. Unfortunately, one of the most significant | | | | for male attention and can become vulnerable to |
| threats to our society, particularly to our children, is | | | | exploitative relationships. Boys who do not have the |
| often overlooked. Absent and uninvolved fathers in | | | | regular role modeling and affirmation from dad that |
| American homes may be one of the most pernicious | | | | they have what it takes (to quote John Eldridge) may |
| social problems we currently face in America. The U.S. | | | | try to find and prove their masculinity through risky |
| leads the world in fatherless countries with nearly 34 | | | | behavior. The window of opportunity for teaching |
| percent of American children living absent their | | | | important life lessons and instilling core values may |
| biological fathers. Research on the subject | | | | open only briefly and at unexpected times. A dad who |
| overwhelmingly indicates the negative effects of | | | | is too busy to be consistently available and involved |
| father absence and lack of father involvement in the | | | | may miss thesis incredibly important moments. Being |
| life of a child. For example, research shows that | | | | available when the window of opportunity opens, and |
| children who live absent their biological fathers are | | | | familiar enough with our children to recognize when it |
| approximately 2 3 times more likely to use drugs, to | | | | does is only accomplished by spending time with a |
| experience educational, health, emotional and | | | | child. |
| behavioral problems, to be victims of abuse, and to | | | | Children rarely ask directly for more of dad's time and |
| engage in criminal behavior than those who live with | | | | attention. More often, they express their need through |
| their married biological (or adoptive) parents. | | | | behaviors that are negative and potentially dangerous. |
| Additionally, research clearly demonstrates the | | | | In his book, The Sixty Minute Father, Rob Parsons |
| significant positive effects of a present and engaged | | | | says that the greatest Illusion to overcome in order to |
| father for childhood we will-being. For example, children | | | | be an effective father is the belief that a slower day is |
| with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely | | | | coming. In other words, I'll spend more time with the |
| to do we will in school, have healthy self-esteem, | | | | kids when things are not so busy at work. For most |
| exhibit empathy and prosocial behavior, and avoid | | | | men, the slower day never arrives. There are many |
| high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and | | | | things we can start doing today to be more effective |
| criminal activity compared to children who have | | | | fathers. The National Fatherhood Initiative is a great |
| uninvolved fathers. | | | | place to start as they offer numerous old_resources |
| While the benefits of present and involved fathers for | | | | for fathers. |
| children are obvious, I find that many men do not | | | | I offer my own 6 Ts as reminders for fathers to get |
| appreciate the contribution that they can make. In fact, I | | | | actively involved: *TELL* your children that you love |
| see many dads feeling and often acting like a | | | | them and that they are Important to you. *TOUCH* |
| peripheral figure in their child's life. Our popular culture | | | | your children affectionately. This communicates love |
| seems to be in the midst of a perceptual shift that is | | | | and affection. Spend *TIME* with your children. This is |
| moving dad from a valuable and influential family | | | | undoubtedly the most effective way to show them |
| member to one that is superfluous or even nefarious. | | | | that you love them. *TEACH* your children. Begin |
| Consider a study conducted by the National | | | | when they are young and teach them little things like |
| Fatherhood Initiative in the spring of 2000 that looked | | | | good manners; how to read; how to throw a spiral; etc. |
| at every television program shown during prime time | | | | As they get older, keep teaching them little things. Use |
| on the six major television networks during the months | | | | everyday examples to teach life lessons. *TRAIN* |
| of March and April 2000 with a father and/or a mother | | | | your children. This refers to discipline. Be involved |
| as a central, recurring character. Results of that study | | | | enough to set limits and enforce consequences. Do |
| showed that fathers We are 8 times more likely to be | | | | not delegate this role to others. Stay *TOGETHER* |
| portrayed negatively than mothers. In fact, 25% of all | | | | with their mother. In addition, show compassion; |
| fathers portrayed on prime time television we are | | | | respect; and support to their mother. Do not be |
| portrayed negatively. My concern is that fathers will be | | | | discouraged if your efforts to get more involved are |
| lulled into the subtle and dangerous belief that their | | | | not immediately heralded by trumpets. All change |
| primary role is not as an integral, hands-on pare not. | | | | takes time, and remember that you are in it for the |
| Far too many men delegate the majority of the | | | | long haul. Fatherhood is a long-term investment that |
| day-to-day management of the kids to mom, while | | | | pays outstanding dividends to you, your children, and to |
| they labor hard at supporting the family in a very | | | | our society. Mark Crawford, Ph.D., is a clinical |
| different role. Failure to assume a more direct and | | | | psychologist and Founding Partner in the My concern is |
| intimate role in their child's lives by fathers will only | | | | that fathers will be lulled into the subtle and dangerous |
| exacerbate this problem of fatherlessness in America. | | | | belief that their primary role is not as an integral, |
| As a clinical psychologist, I often see the absence of a | | | | hands-on pare not. Online Christian Counseling is a nice |
| father leaving a void that is vulnerable to deleterious | | | | way to get suggestions. |