| The start of a new school year: Stacks of notebooks | | | | fear of lemurs or lack of basic survival skills now will |
| full of clean sheets of paper, the smell of freshly | | | | save you a night spent camping with sugared-up |
| sharpened pencils, the feel of new wool sweaters and | | | | 10-year-olds who who insisted they could handle a real |
| the pervasive sense that anything is possible. | | | | ghost story. Cowards. |
| Even when you're no longer a kid, it's nearly impossible | | | | 3. Do show up on time. Right when punctuality matters, |
| to escape the idea that a fresh start is available to all | | | | something comes up. Your fantasy football draft goes |
| in the autumn. But, imminent parent-teacher | | | | into overtime. You're hitting under par for the first time |
| conferences can bring you down. Here's how to | | | | all season and your buddies want to do the back nine. |
| handle the first meeting with your kid's new teach in a | | | | It doesn't matter - making your kid's teacher wait is just |
| way that won't sabotage your child's academic future, | | | | bad form. Unless you're in the zone. |
| embarrass your son or daughter or land you in the dog | | | | 4. Insist that C students rule the world. So far, you |
| house. | | | | made it through high school, college and the work |
| 1. Don't threaten violence. When someone criticizes | | | | place without ever really applying yourself. There's no |
| your child, scanning the room for a makeshift spear | | | | reason your son or daughter can't do the same. If your |
| while proclaiming that your great-grandfather was a | | | | kid's teacher keeps harping on the merits of hard work |
| Samurai is an understandable gut reaction. But wait. | | | | and perseverance, clue her into the importance of |
| Stop. Put down the laser pointer and remember that | | | | connections and shifting blame. |
| your son or daughter will be spending all day in the | | | | 5. Let your wife do the talking. Show up, look |
| room with this person until June. Don't let things come | | | | presentable and don't speak. She's got this one. |
| to blows until January, at the earliest. | | | | Everyone dreads parent-teacher conferences, but the |
| 2. Don't get suckered into volunteering. You're on the | | | | meetings offer an opportunity to connect with the |
| spot, we get it. That's why it's imperative to come up | | | | person who's shaping your child's malleable young |
| with excuses before heading into the conference. It's | | | | mind. If you don't show up, the teacher could turn them |
| inevitable that the teacher will ask if you're available to | | | | against you. Plus, maybe you can talk you wife into |
| chaperone a field trip to the local zoo or show the kids | | | | buying you some back-to-school clothes. |
| how to build a campfire. Admitting to your irrational | | | | |