| The troubling environmental influences that cause or | | | | parents undermine our efforts to improve child |
| contribute to child behavior problems in general | | | | behavior by modeling the very behavior problems that |
| negatively impact the ways that siblings relate with one | | | | we want our children to change. |
| another. These include the following 7: | | | | While you are not entirely responsible for the way |
| 1. Marital discord | | | | things are in your life, your results in all areas are, at |
| 2. An unstable routine | | | | least to some extent, a product of how you think, feel, |
| 3. Much stress, unhappiness, impatience or emotional | | | | speak and act. Until you improve how you function, |
| explosiveness expressing from a parent or other | | | | you cannot improve your results in any area of life, |
| member of the household | | | | including with your children. As long as you continue |
| 4. A parent who seems emotionally absent or | | | | reacting in the same habitual ways, you must continue |
| inaccessible | | | | feeling trapped in the same disappointing results. |
| 5. Routinely modeling inappropriate behavior that you | | | | Your 7-Point Take Away |
| do not wish the child to repeat | | | | Here is your 7-point take away to begin improving the |
| 6. Situations in which the child receives inadequate | | | | way your siblings get along. It amounts to turning the |
| supervision | | | | lists of 7 negative influences that open this article into 7 |
| 7. Reacting too critically or harshly toward the child | | | | target-areas to work on. If you cannot seem to |
| If your siblings display ugly sibling rivalry, look over the | | | | change things in these target-areas, you can at least |
| above list to see where you can begin making some | | | | improve the way that you accept the way things are. |
| improvements. You will find it virtually impossible to | | | | If you see no way to make any improvement, you are |
| improve the way your children treat one another in a | | | | probably insisting on making more change than is |
| context of these influences. | | | | possible, and overlooking or disregarding the tiny |
| You can always make some degree of improvement. | | | | increments of improvement that really are achievable. |
| Sometimes it amounts to very little. Sometimes, the | | | | 1. Improve your way of relating with your spouse (or |
| best you can do is to improve your way of accepting | | | | ex-spouse). |
| the way things are. Whatever degree of improvement | | | | 2. Bring a more stable routine into your children's lives. |
| you can make, though, is worth the effort, because it | | | | 3. Practice handling everything with more peace and |
| produces positive change and leads to more | | | | poise, and with less stress, unhappiness, impatience or |
| opportunities. | | | | emotional explosiveness. |
| So begin your work on improving how your children | | | | 4. Work on connecting with your children in a more |
| get along by working on their surrounding influences. | | | | loving, sensitive, aware way. |
| While this may seem like an indirect path to progress it | | | | 5. Look for ways that you inappropriate behavior that |
| actually addresses the root causes of the problem. | | | | you do not wish your child to repeat, and replace |
| Do you yell at your siblings to stop them from yelling at | | | | those with a higher level of functioning. |
| one another? Do you lose your composure and react | | | | 6. Pay closer attention to your children before their |
| with much frustration when they lose their patience | | | | behavior drifts into problematic patterns. |
| with one another? Do you harshly criticize your | | | | 7. Replace any critical or harsh ways that you have |
| children, injuring their self-esteem, when they viciously | | | | been reacting toward the child with more calm and |
| attack one another? These are examples of how we | | | | compassionate modes of leadership. |