| Divorce and the Family | | | | ideal, is that the couple sell everything, pay all |
| For those who have never been involved in divorce, or | | | | outstanding bills, and then equally divide. But along with |
| for those who have brushed past it but never quite | | | | the theory comes the impracticalities of each parent |
| understood the intensity. Divorce is one big tangle that | | | | finding somewhere else to live, the furniture, valuables, |
| never really unravels. Five years on from a divorce, | | | | bank balances, secret stashes of cash and |
| the parents are still surviving, although remaining bitter. | | | | memorabilia from both childhood and parents. |
| The children are still shell shocked. | | | | One amusing but real example was when a |
| As adults we all can handle the tangle, but the children | | | | separated couple had no legal representative as the |
| are not mature enough to comprehend the frustration, | | | | adults thought they could sort it out themselves. The |
| and what appears at times, to be the 'lack of love'. | | | | male partner had gone back 'up north' to his parents |
| This confusion carries on into their early adulthood. | | | | and asked if his ex-partner could sell the BMW and |
| There are two particularly common side effects that | | | | send him half the money. She sent him a payment for |
| happen as a consequence of splitting up; one is | | | | £5... Rather than sell it for a realistic price, she |
| dyslexia, and the other is wetting the bed. | | | | sold it for £10, got a receipt, then halved the total |
| Although this observation within a marriage breakup | | | | received and sent it to her ex-partner. |
| sounds harsh for the children, there is no suggestion | | | | Domestic Violence and Child Abduction |
| that a family should stick together for the sake of the | | | | Access to children is another area that often is only |
| children. This option may seem feasible and many | | | | resolved by attending court. Both the father and the |
| have weathered the storm, but a different type of | | | | mother deserve access to see their children, but it can |
| problem is created; a different type of confusion. The | | | | lead to further disagreements. These unsavory |
| children will see a life without the comfort of love and | | | | moments can include further financial issues, access |
| as a consequence could reach adulthood with no | | | | problems and parental guidance. |
| expectancy of forming a relationship. | | | | One parent may suggest one particular way to deal |
| Love is what makes the world go around, without it | | | | with a situation and the other parent is deliberately |
| your children will grow up living a sheltered and | | | | opposite in view. Although unpleasant, both parents use |
| unfulfilled life. We cannot bring a child into a family and | | | | each situation as another option to be bitter and |
| allow them to see two parents fighting and arguing all | | | | twisted. It is often witnessed that parents use their |
| of the time. | | | | children as bullets during these periods of access. This |
| Financial Issues in Family matters | | | | will also add to the negativity within the mind of the |
| Finance in separation and divorce is complicated; who | | | | child. |
| owns which debt, who owns which car and who | | | | CONCLUSION |
| owns which property. Untangling finances is one of the | | | | What funded one household will now be supporting |
| most difficult aspects of ending a long term relationship | | | | two homes, so at least some financial adjustment will |
| or marriage. You could find yourself dividing savings, | | | | be needed, and you may not be that happy with the |
| splitting the furniture; and on top of all that paying out | | | | final result. You will be entering a new phase in your |
| maintenance to your other half. Maintenance | | | | life; the sooner you can adjust the better. |
| incidentally can be claimed from either the male or | | | | As for the children, keep them out and away from |
| female after the breakup. | | | | arguments and aggression. Allow them to grow up |
| According to lawyers it is generally the woman who | | | | with love in their house. As far as the children's 'rights' |
| comes out on top. This is either when an agreement is | | | | and 'wrongs' apply, it is prudent for parents to agree to |
| reached by two legal representatives, or if it | | | | disagree... Wherever possible if parents could agree |
| necessary, when the couple have needed to go to | | | | with one of the parents' rules, preferably with the |
| court. | | | | parent that they are living with; rather than insist upon |
| Often overlooked initially, in the heat of separation, the | | | | some new rules every time the children change hands. |
| finances become a big issue. What in theory would be | | | | Mr. P. |